Trees. Damn trees.
I’m still on the action sequence (see post “Action Sequences: the Movie Version”). I should have long ago cracked that nut and moved on. But I’m not because of the damn trees.
David and Lyra are being chased; David drives their jeep off the road, hoping to slow their pursuers who are in an old car. Somehow, I got it in my head that they come to a copse of trees.
He streaks ahead, plummeting into the scrub brush, bumping over gray rocks that, like skeleton bones, poke out of the ground.. Directly in front is a copse of tall, thin pine trees.
David isn’t slowing down.
Lyra sucks in her breath, her body rigid.
The trees loom larger.
“David…”
He doesn’t respond. He drives on.
Lyra, her eyes glued to the trees, draws her arms to cover her head.
But my vision of the landscape doesn’t include trees. It is scrub brush, as I said, and rocky ground. Where did the trees come from?
I had an earlier version where they abandon the jeep and run into the cover of the trees. That didn’t work either.
Because the trees shouldn’t be there.
I was trying to shoehorn them in. No idea why. The trees don’t appear in my first draft, so why have I been so hell bent on including them now? For added suspense? In theory, maybe but suspense only works if your readers don’t roll their eyes.
My writing job today: lumberjack.
Those trees have got to go.