Feedback

Comments from my book coach Jennie after a lengthy and comprehensive chat:

“I think you have a really great career ahead of you.”

(Yay!)

“It’s brilliant writing.”

(Yay!)

“You’re so good. You have an amazing character and audiences will love her.”

(Yay!)

“You’ve got work to do.”

(Oh.)

Jennie has pointed out two broad areas to work on.

Building up my world and background to include much more detail.
- For example, I have a plague and a war and phoenix cells. How do they all connect? (Um…)
- Make sure everything is logical and fits in. I have Lyra’s neighbour joke that she’s going to set Lyra up with her grandson; it’d be good if I show the grandson at some point.
Avoiding the dreaded “info dump”. It’s where you step out of the character’s head and, as the author, explain all the information you feel the reader needs. It’s jarring because it takes the reader out of the story. I did it in my first version and Jennie noticed I’m doing it again here.
- I blame this (and Jennie agrees it’s a factor) on my journalistic background. I’m used to summarizing and convey information to a reader. As an English teacher teaching analytical essays, I do the same thing. Turns out that’s not what makes a great story.
- Example: “Doctors discovered my shocking and unique condition when I was 8, when I survived the unsurvivable, a devastating virus called Hecate’s Plague.” This is telling. I am telling you the backstory you need to know. How to improve it: “I watched the casket being lowered into the ground with Mrs. Jua inside, another victim of Hecate’s Plague. I feel guilty standing here, alive, invincible. The plague came for me once, when I was eight, but it couldn’t get me. It’ll never get me.”

So that’s it, that’s all. That’s all I have to do–oh, besides write the rest of it.