Jennie’s Comments

Turns out I do know what I’m doing with this whole book thing. 🙂

Here are some comments from Jennie, my book coach. Her encouragement is invaluable. Makes me feel like I can actually accomplish this task.

On creating Lyra’s backstory:

OMG THIS IS SO GOOD —YOU KILLED IT!!! There are just a few TINY things to sort out…

And then there’s the question of how to let the reader into all this as you go along. But it’s a RICH RICH backstory that Lyra can draw upon as she does what she does — using it to make sense of everything.

SUPER well done!!!!

I’d love you to clean up the few questions I asked so you can use this as your Bible and have ALL the answers (and so I can use it as an example of awesome b/c you are SO good at being coached — WOW!

On the opening scene:

Your opening chapter is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!!! I’m STUNNED at the improvement you made — there’s NO TELLING ANYWHERE ??? It’s dramatic and logical and whole and just WOW.

On creating the backstory of secondary characters:

BRAVA on this document. It’s awesome!! Just a few things to clean up to make sure EVERYTHING fits and then you’ve GOT it.

The sister sketch. Great — all this works perfectly now.

I told you how much I LOVE LOVE LOVE what you did with this. You GOT it, Jen! Really! It’s SO excellent!

On revisions of Chapter 1:

You have a tendency to split a trigger — i.e. something triggers the character to think of a flashback or memory, but you talk about it in two places instead of just one, where it would be more powerful. As you write, watch for that.

But overall, this is just incredible progress. You totally GOT the show don’t tell thing — where YOU know the story and you are letting us watch it unfold. And you figured out how to let us inside this character’s head and really feel what she’s feeling. Write like this, and you’re gonna have so many fans!!!!

On my final chapter:

WOW Jen! Just WOW!

The person who wrote this last chapter is like a totally different writer than the one who wrote the chapter you first submitted to me. It’s specific, logical, dramatic, moving, powerful — it’s ALL THERE.

On my “Aha! Moment” scene (where Lyra resolves her inner conflict):

I am sitting here totally blown away and totally amazed and totally thrilled that I will one day get to say that I played a tiny part in bringing this extraordinary story to life because YOU ARE AMAZING and this story is AMAZING and you just KILLED this scene. Just KILLED it. You have written a powerful, visceral, real and timely lovely story — it feels like The Fault in Our Stars. Like Romeo and Juliet. Like a really LOVE story for our times. It’s just — WOW.

And what you had before was just so NOT. It’s the transformation that is blowing my mind. How you went from what you were writing to this. I can hardly believe it.

I know I sound like a broken record but WOW. You have total command of this story now. You are letting the reader IN. You are SHOWING us and it has such integrity from a story perspective. It’s just awesome! And now you have this aha moment scene and the first and last scene — you ​have the architecture of your book!!

Here’s the catch: the pressure! Jennie may think every scene I submit to her will be this good. 🙂

Still, it’s nice to know I’m on the right track.

Whew.